I get a lot of people asking me things like, "If one pair of panties is good for that relationship gua, is 10 better?" and "I added every single thing you said to put in the relationship gua, but nothing had happened", so I thought I’d remind people that it’s the space that holds the opportunities, not the stuff. So perhaps instead of adding items, some need to be removed.

Remove any distraction to the two functions of the bedroom: Passion and health-nurturing and restoration. Items related to your work, working out, hobbies, pets, and any juvenile stuff such as stuffed animals, dolls, children’s books or games, "little kid" collectibles such as Hummels, or Precious Moments, etc. I even classify overpowering big views as a distraction. The TV and phone also jump into the no-no category. Why? Well, let me ask you this. Why are people are willing to pay thousands of dollars to spend the night in a hut out in the jungle or on the beach without these items in the name of "getting back in touch" or for a passionate getaway? Because they are a distraction! The $2000 per night retreat forces them to concentrate on the person they came with. So here’s a novel idea: Why not make your everyday bedroom that $2000 a night retreat that supports sound sleep and primal passion?

Other distractions may fall into the poor symbol sub-category. They include medicines and vitamins, dried up stuff, frigid or cold-looking items, etc. I’d rather see a night stand with scented massage oil on it than caster oil, if you know what I mean. Got a dried up love life? Lose the dried flower wreaths and potpourri, too. Frigid? Chuck the snow scene art and mini fridge by the bed.

Also, remove any items related to fear. This means weapons of any kind. If you’re afraid to sleep in your room, you’ve got other things you need to do to your house. But unfortunately, that’s a subject for another newsletter.

From a Traditional Chinese medicine perspective, most imbalances that we would lump into the "sexual dysfunction" category would be considered a kidney imbalance. The kidney is associated with the water element which controls the emotion of fear. It is said that like the kidneys, fear is deeply rooted. And when we experience fear in excess, we injure the kidneys and "block loving feelings." (In the destructive cycle, weak kidneys fail to reduce excess water and so the water douses the fire of the heart.) The good news is, if we support our kidneys, we can regain our vitality and reignite our loving hearts.

Within this imbalance lives a few sub categories that we must address: There are kidney YIN or YANG deficiencies, and kidney QI (chi) deficiency:

Kidney yin deficiency: Some symptoms of kidney yin deficiency include dizziness, ringing in ears, spontaneous sweating, weak legs, low back pain, fever and involuntary seminal emission. Emotions include irritation, agitation, insecurity and fear.

Kidney yang deficiency: Aversion to cold, pale complexion, weak knees and lower back, mental lethargy and poor spirit, lack of sexual desire, irregular menses, clear vaginal discharge, sterility, frequent urination, inability to urinate, edema, asthma, lack of willpower, inactivity and decisiveness.

Kidney qi deficiency: minor cold signs, frequent urination, incontinence, inability to urinate, dribbling urine, involuntary seminal emission, low back pain and weak knees and pale tongue. Kidney qi imbalance is related to kidney yang deficiency, but is not as deep an imbalance.

Since many symptoms overlap, I’d suggest consulting with a TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) practitioner such as an herbalist or acupuncturist (check them out!) to find out what specific foods and herbs would serve you best and which ones you should avoid. If you want to go it alone, I’d suggest the book Healing with Whole Foods, Asian Traditions and Modern Nutrition, by Paul Pitchford. This book is a great reference book to have in any home.

Success Story #1

Dear Karen, I have been meaning to write this for a long time! I had been in an abusive relationship, and got scared off from trying again for over 10 years. Now that my one child is grown and moved out, I decided to feng shui my home. I realized that the relationship corner of my house was actually missing, so I decided to put up a reproduction of a painting, called "The Storm," by Pierre Auguste Cot, in the corner where the missing section should be. I chose that picture because it seemed to portray the qualities I wanted in a relationship. I then proceeded to treat relationships corner of that same room as well, with pretty red flowers, and a lot of beloved art objects. Well, after a month, I met an awesome guy. We are now dating, and I am so happy at the age of 50, to rediscover love!

Success Story #2